Enforced hairiness

I woke up this morning to my BlackBerry blinking at me that I had new email. This was not a big surprise; every morning when I wake up I have, at the very least, a Groupon deal waiting for me. So anyway, this was the best freaking Groupon deal I've seen in months. 90% off! For a beauty treatment.

The Groupon was for 6 sessions of IPL (intense pulsed light for epilation, in case you're wondering) which, in theory, is basically just light that turns into heat in your follicles and vaporises the hair and follicle so you never have to shave or wax that area again. EVER.

Now for those readers who don't really know me yet, you might assume I'm a regular at my local beauty salon, but seriously, nothing could be further from the truth. I don't even know where the local beauty salon IS. But the chance to permanently de-hair certain particularly prolific areas and NEVER HAVE TO SHAVE OR WAX THEM EVER AGAIN? This is a deal especially written with low-maintenance girls like me in mind.

Anyway, because the treatment was something I'd never done before and because there are like 60 gajillion restrictions when you're pregnant, I figured just to be safe I'd check what the internet had to say. And can you guess what the internet said? Really. You'll never believe it.

That's right. IPL is not recommended during pregnancy. Intense light on your skin - even skin that is almost never displayed where other people might be able to see it, EVEN skin nowhere near the baby - should be avoided during pregnancy. Now, things that could actually injure me, fine. Things that could cause cancer or something in the baby? Obviously. But strong light focused on my skin? Where the light only penetrates to a maximum depth of 4mm? HOW IS THIS BAD? People, the time is fast approaching when I won't even be able to see the lower half of my body in my tiny shower stall. This could have been my salvation! 

And do you know what the reasoning was? Hormones. HORMONES! Because of the hormones (which are so abundant in pregnancy), the experts don't know what might happen. The procedure might not work. It might affect pigmentation. But it might work! It might be fabulous. Because you know what else isn't recommended during pregnancy? Waxing. Because you also might react to the wax. Leaving shaving as the only acceptable hair-removal process during pregnancy. Did I mention that in about 2 weeks I will no longer be able to see the lower half of my body in the shower? Leaving almost HALF A PREGNANCY of enforced hairiness? Nice.

So, hairiness: it's for the baby. OK, maybe not, but it's totally the baby's fault.